Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
worst night to have a conscience
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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