I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
