Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
