the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize