Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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