Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
