it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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