I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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