I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
