apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just googled if crying burns calories
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize