i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
