...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
