Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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