What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
