It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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