I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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