Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
