I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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