How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
