did you get engaged???
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
