Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Jerry, you need to find god
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
