I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
