Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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