is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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