Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
