there was a trapeze. enough said
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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