even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
