It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
