bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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