I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize