Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize