...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
