Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
