dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
