when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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