Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
