I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i permit you to call me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
