that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
