It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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