The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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