my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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