Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
