Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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