Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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