i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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