Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
