i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
