i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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