butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
