I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
