The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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