margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
