at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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