I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
