So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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