Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
