I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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