Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
