GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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