My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize