Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
