Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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