Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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