you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He passed out mid-signature
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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