Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
this is an emotional support booty call
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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