all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
