honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
