Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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