Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
