so that wasnt chicken after all
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Never joke about your clitoris.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize