Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
