we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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