walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
