it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
