I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
