what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
