Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
