And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
