i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
