Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
