So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
