I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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