my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
