I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
