We got so high we made milksteak
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
